Nine Levels of Submission by Diane Vera
Within the BDSM society, the meaning of a submissive means many different levels of acceptance of behavior. It also means that to one person saying i am a submissive, to another means they are a slave. Often times our understanding of what a submissive is or isn't is confusing and will often lead to debates over the definition. Below i have listed my definitions of the levels of submission based upon my experience this could match yours or maybe it doesn't but at least it is a starting point to understanding where i come from.
1. THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST
This type of person is someone who loves to be hurt exactly as they state don't add anything or expect to derive personal pleasure or satisfaction for yourself if you are the one that is doing the hurting. This type of person only wants the things done that they request nothing more and nothing less. They get off merely from the pain no relationship is needed. There are No emotional ties, Nothing but pure pain.
(Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one's own bodily sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).
2. PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE.
Prefers to only play in a script type environment. This is not something they do all the time only every once in a while. Often times they will set the scene up themselves putting all props into place and giving an accounting of what they want to their partner. But don't dare to bring in any ideas of your own for this is their play and any actors or actresses needed will be supplied by them. No servitude at anytime is allowed from this person.
(Not into even playing "slave," but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.)
3. PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE.
Again one who prefers to write the script and have you follow the guidelines but likes to feel as if they are being used under certain scenarios. Usually this comes out within a certain fetish arena such as foot worship, cock sucking, etc., it is only for particular actions dictated by themselves.
(Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).
4. TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE.
This is a person who likes to give up control for limited times they agree to a scene and all it entails but is still the one who is directing in broad terms. They are not into this on a full time basis only for a specified time and scene. Is not interested in really giving up all control but does derive pleasure from serving another.
(Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).
5. TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE.
Temporarily gives up all control to selected partner does derive pleasure from serving the needs of the other rather then what is done. The pleasure comes from being used by another is not into pain necessarily and does not wish it to be every minute of their life but will submit for brief periods.
(Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.
6. UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE
.One who is committed to serving another but only when it suits their needs and desires still maintains control of when and where. And for how long. Is not particular about how necessarily but if it is not within their liking they will opt out of doing what is asked.
Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve.
7. PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE
This person is into a committed relationship and does regard oneself as property. Derives their pleasure from the Dominants/Owners pleasure. But still has outside commitments that the Dominant/Owner is not in control of but other then those commitments is at the disposal of their Dominants/Owners first and foremost.
(Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please Dom (me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom (me) has first pick of the slave's free time.)
8. FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE.
This is a person who has given careful and through thought to giving up all responsibility to the outside world and has chosen to become 24/7 property of another to be used and treated as the other deems appropriate. This level of submission must be entered into fully conscience of the commitment entered into. By entering this arrangement you are giving all that you are and all that you have to another. The sole pleasure to this person is insuring beyond anything that their Owner's happiness and comfort is first and foremost. Regardless of what is asked or demanded of them. There is a great deal of discussion necessary before undertaking this commitment. For even though the pleasure is derived from the Owner there is still the need and desire for recognition of being a human being. This is a mutually pleasing relationship if given the honesty and honor necessary to thrive. There are still limits but these are stated and understood by the Owner and the Owner has agreed to honor and protect and nourish their property to insure they're well being.
(Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself, as existing solely for the Dom (me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.)
9. CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS.
Though i have read from others that this is possible i find that it is much more based upon a fantasy one that truly cannot exist with out some form of brainwashing or trauma. Being a slave without limits of any kind is a person who has no thought or care for themselves as a human being and they are merely biding their time on this planet the best way they can to survive. In my experience there is always what i consider limits in each person i have met. i do not know of anyone who truly wishes to own someone who does not think or act for themselves. To be totally responsible for another's thinking and actions can be extremely fatiguing and it is not a pleasure. i am not saying that it doesn't happen i just feel that if it is happening then their is a question of the other person being able to give consent and know what they are consenting to.
A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom (me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim.